SMRT

Yup, you read that title correctly. SMRT.

Whenever I do something on the quasi-intelligent side, I look over at my husband and say something along the lines of "Hey check that out! I'm pretty S-M-R-T aren't, I?" This is generally followed by a guffaw or a good chuckle. It's just a thing I do. I regularly mock my own intelligence levels, which is probably one of my biggest character flaws. I really don't think I'm that smart at all. Despite being told numerous times by Yeti and countless others that that is absolutely not true and  that I am quite bright, I still can’t believe it.

Some might think that it's because I chose not to continue my education after high school but I beg to differ.  Personally I don't think a college degree measures ones intelligence. Y’know who didn’t go to college? Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin and even Winston Churchill (just to name a few), who were some of the most brilliant minds of our time.  Does it make you more proficient in a particular field of study of your choosing? Absolutely it does.  Hell, I've met doctors that I would say are certainly book smart but are seriously lacking in the common sense/street smarts department. I have this theory that people like doctors get so caught up in learning about medicine and the human body that it leaves little room for much else in their minds.  I do love learning though, which is another pro for the higher education column. But I would much rather learn at my own pace and focus on things that are important to me rather than taking required courses just to get the credits to graduate. And then of course there is the inevitable debt that comes with it all. No, sir, I don’t like it. I can educate myself and live debt free .

One of my biggest problems is that I don't talk enough out loud about what's on my mind. This most definitely contributes to my “not feeling smart enough” problem.   I need to work on fixing that. Usually during group conversations, everyone spouts of their different ideas and theories about this, that or the other thing and I just sit there quietly and listen. Most of the time, I just can’t keep up with what’s being thrown around. Everyone is so quick witted and ready to spout of the next fact or morsel of information they have.  It’s not that I can’t follow the dialogue (well, I guess that depends on the person speaking) but there’s just so much information coming at me back and forth and sideways that my brain just can’t process it all. It’s awful. In the moment, it makes me feel weak and inferior.  I usually end up beating myself up a lot over things like that but that also happens on a normal Monday when I’ve had too much time to think.

It’s not until sometime after said big group discussion that my brain finally decides to kick in and have an opinion about the topic. Then of course after that I can have endless conversations in my own head about the discussion that no one ever gets to really hear. Well Yeti hears them of course because I trust that if I say something stupid/unintelligent, he’ll explain it to me in a way that doesn’t make me feel even worse about myself. Although if the previously mentioned topic is math or numbers related, I’m a lost cause. Math and I don’t mix. Does this happen to anyone else? Is it just me? 

But then there are times when the opposite happens. Well, somewhat opposite anyway. For example: One day Yeti and I were in a grocery store around Christmas time and we came across a gentleman looking rather befuddled in the baking aisle (which I could probably walk down blind-folded and find what I need).  He stopped an employee who was stocking shelves and asked him for royal icing (presumably for a gingerbread house considering the time of year). The store clerk was stumped and wasn’t exactly sure where it was either.  Then they began discussing how they didn’t even know the difference between royal icing and regular frosting and how silly it seemed to try and differentiate the two. It was about that time when Yeti started poking and prodding me to intervene since I actually HAVE useful information on the subject. All I had to say was “Actually there is a difference between royal icing and frosting but you’re probably not going to find it at the grocery store anyway. You either have to make it or buy it at Michael’s or A.C. Moore.” That’s it, just a simple two-sentence answer. I knew the exact answer they were both looking for but I couldn’t do it. I froze. My natural instincts as an introvert took over and made me shy away. So even if I DO have the right words to say or valid information on my side to share, I still can’t do it. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Sometimes it sucks being Jo.

There are rare occasions when I do decide to contribute to intelligent conversations with something witty and clever. And then I get all tongue-tied and stuttery.  The stuttering does not help when I’m trying to assert myself either. Am I just talking too fast? Or not processing my thoughts fast enough? Or is it that I’m just thinking way too much before I speak on purpose so I don’t say something stupid. Why does my awkwardness constantly get in my way? 

I can’t remember much about math equations or past political events/leaders that changed the course of history, but I can tell you random facts about film, music and movies from a bygone era that nobody in their right mind should know.  And I’m not sure why that is exactly.  I can recall events and info about the strangest and most obscene things….but I have trouble when it comes to finding percentages and substituting x for y.

And then I come across something like these jokes here or I watch something like this and I understand every word.  It all makes sense. Yeti and I went to a talk with Dr. Michio Kaku just last Wednesday and found it all so fascinating and followed along with every point that Dr. Kaku made. In fact, I left wanting to hear more! I’m even contemplating reading the book we got signed by him, which is strange! It’s a physics book. A theoretical physics book and I’m seriously considering picking it up when I’m done with what I’m currently reading. On Sunday night, I watched Cosmos and I enjoyed the hell out of it. It was presented beautifully and everything that was said really seemed to stick in my brain. In real time too, without any sort of "processing" time. And in those moments, I feel like the smartest person in the world because I know there are more than a few people who would probably be lost. Where is all that smart confidence when I need it? Why does it seem to disappear and reappear at the most inopportune times?

I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is that maybe I just wasn't meant to know some things. Maybe I'm just not equipped for everything. Maybe I just learn differently than others. I'm not exactly sure. But what I do know is even though I may not think i'm all that spectacular in the brains department I have plenty of other qualities to make up for it. I may not know much about quantum mechanics or politicial science but I can certainly bake you the best damn cake you've ever had! :) I can also lend you a shoulder to cry on or I can be a sounding board if you need to vent! But don't ask me to help you with your calculus, because you're on your own there ;)