Yup, you read that title correctly. SMRT.
Whenever I do something on the quasi-intelligent side, I
look over at my husband and say something along the lines of "Hey check
that out! I'm pretty S-M-R-T aren't, I?" This is generally followed by a
guffaw or a good chuckle. It's just a thing I do. I regularly mock my own
intelligence levels, which is probably one of my biggest character flaws. I
really don't think I'm that smart at all. Despite being told numerous times by
Yeti and countless others that that is absolutely not true and that I am quite bright, I still can’t believe
it.
Some might think that it's because I chose not to continue
my education after high school but I beg to differ. Personally I don't think a college degree
measures ones intelligence. Y’know who didn’t go to college? Thomas Edison,
Benjamin Franklin and even Winston Churchill (just to name a few), who were
some of the most brilliant minds of our time.
Does it make you more proficient in a particular field of study of your
choosing? Absolutely it does. Hell, I've
met doctors that I would say are certainly book smart but are seriously lacking
in the common sense/street smarts department. I have this theory that people
like doctors get so caught up in learning about medicine and the human body
that it leaves little room for much else in their minds. I do love learning though, which is another
pro for the higher education column. But I would much rather learn at my own
pace and focus on things that are important to me rather than taking required
courses just to get the credits to graduate. And then of course there is the
inevitable debt that comes with it all. No, sir, I don’t like it. I can educate
myself and live debt free .
One of my biggest problems is that I don't talk enough out
loud about what's on my mind. This most definitely contributes to my “not
feeling smart enough” problem. I need
to work on fixing that. Usually during group conversations, everyone spouts of
their different ideas and theories about this, that or the other thing and I
just sit there quietly and listen. Most of the time, I just can’t keep up with
what’s being thrown around. Everyone is so quick witted and ready to spout of
the next fact or morsel of information they have. It’s not that I can’t follow the dialogue
(well, I guess that depends on the person speaking) but there’s just so much
information coming at me back and forth and sideways that my brain just can’t
process it all. It’s awful. In the moment, it makes me feel weak and
inferior. I usually end up beating
myself up a lot over things like that but that also happens on a normal Monday
when I’ve had too much time to think.
It’s not until sometime after said big group discussion that
my brain finally decides to kick in and have an opinion about the topic. Then
of course after that I can have endless conversations in my own head about the
discussion that no one ever gets to really hear. Well Yeti hears them of course
because I trust that if I say something stupid/unintelligent, he’ll explain it
to me in a way that doesn’t make me feel even worse about myself. Although if
the previously mentioned topic is math or numbers related, I’m a lost cause.
Math and I don’t mix. Does this happen to anyone else? Is it just me?
But then there are times when the opposite happens. Well,
somewhat opposite anyway. For example: One day Yeti and I were in a grocery
store around Christmas time and we came across a gentleman looking rather
befuddled in the baking aisle (which I could probably walk down blind-folded
and find what I need). He stopped an
employee who was stocking shelves and asked him for royal icing (presumably for
a gingerbread house considering the time of year). The store clerk was stumped
and wasn’t exactly sure where it was either.
Then they began discussing how they didn’t even know the difference
between royal icing and regular frosting and how silly it seemed to try and
differentiate the two. It was about that time when Yeti started poking and
prodding me to intervene since I actually HAVE useful information on the
subject. All I had to say was “Actually there is a difference between royal
icing and frosting but you’re probably not going to find it at the grocery
store anyway. You either have to make it or buy it at Michael’s or A.C. Moore.”
That’s it, just a simple two-sentence answer. I knew the exact answer they were
both looking for but I couldn’t do it. I froze. My natural instincts as an
introvert took over and made me shy away. So even if I DO have the right words
to say or valid information on my side to share, I still can’t do it. I’m
damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Sometimes it sucks being Jo.
There are rare occasions when I do decide to contribute to
intelligent conversations with something witty and clever. And then I get all
tongue-tied and stuttery. The stuttering
does not help when I’m trying to assert myself either. Am I just talking too
fast? Or not processing my thoughts fast enough? Or is it that I’m just thinking
way too much before I speak on purpose so I don’t say something stupid. Why
does my awkwardness constantly get in my way?
I can’t remember much about math equations or past political
events/leaders that changed the course of history, but I can tell you random
facts about film, music and movies from a bygone era that nobody in their right
mind should know. And I’m not sure why
that is exactly. I can recall events and
info about the strangest and most obscene things….but I have trouble when it
comes to finding percentages and substituting x for y.
And then I come across something like these jokes here or I
watch something like this and I understand every word. It all makes sense. Yeti and I went to a talk
with Dr. Michio Kaku just last Wednesday and found it all so fascinating and
followed along with every point that Dr. Kaku made. In fact, I left wanting to hear more! I’m even contemplating reading the book we
got signed by him, which is strange! It’s a physics book. A theoretical physics
book and I’m seriously considering picking it up when I’m done with what I’m
currently reading. On Sunday night, I watched Cosmos and I enjoyed the hell out of it. It was presented beautifully and everything that was said really seemed to stick in my brain. In real time too, without any sort of "processing" time. And in those moments, I feel like the smartest person in the world because I know there are more than a few people who would probably be lost. Where is all that smart confidence when I need it? Why does it seem to disappear and reappear at the most inopportune times?
I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is that maybe I just wasn't meant to know some things. Maybe I'm just not equipped for everything. Maybe I just learn differently than others. I'm not exactly sure. But what I do know is even though I may not think i'm all that spectacular in the brains department I have plenty of other qualities to make up for it. I may not know much about quantum mechanics or politicial science but I can certainly bake you the best damn cake you've ever had! :) I can also lend you a shoulder to cry on or I can be a sounding board if you need to vent! But don't ask me to help you with your calculus, because you're on your own there ;)
