This past Friday, the 21st, my beautiful Aunt Sandra lost the fight for her life. It's only been 3 days and I already miss her terribly. I have only suffered a handful of gut-wrenching losses in my 30 years on this earth and this is by far one of the worst. It is exacerbated further knowing that my brother and I were less than 12 hours away from going to see her when we heard the news. I keep telling myself (and him) that we couldn't have known. It could have happened last week, a month from now, or even a month prior. We don't have control over these things, I know, but it still hurts. I take comfort knowing she is not in pain anymore and she is not suffering. I also know that she was welcomed to the next life by my baby cousin Adam and my grandfather (or Bumpa, as he was lovingly referred to). I'm somewhat jealous of her because of that actually. I also know that even though the wounds are still fresh and that scar will always remain when it heals, I am now and always will be surrounded by some of the most amazing and strongest people in the world to help me through; My husband, my parents, my brother, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends and most importantly, especially now, my niece and nephews.
I have always loved my aunts. All of them. If I may say, without sounding too boastful, I feel like I was blessed with the cream of the crop.They have shown me how to love unconditionally, given me a shoulder to lean on in dark times and have taught me what family is all about. As a child, they were all extensions of my mother. Each and every one of them looking out for me, making sure I had whatever I wanted and most importantly that I was taken care of. Now as an adult, my aunts have become some of my closest friends. My mothers sisters Wanda and Sandra, my fathers sisters Mary and Wendy, and those who have come to me by marriage Julie, Paula, Maria and Debbie have all shown me what an Aunt truly should be.They have all brought to the table something special that I will hold dear to me for as long as I live.
My Aunt Sandra, in particular, would always ask me every time I saw her "Are you still writing?". She was constantly giving me notebooks as gifts and would encourage me to "keep on writing". It is because of her that I am able to put this together today. It is because of her that I am proud to write this. Yes, Auntie, I am still writing and I promise to keep writing if it will make you smile in the next life.
Over the past two years, I have been given the extraordinary gift of being an "auntie" to 3 incredible little children: Ellie, Michael and Sam. Saturday night, when I was still feeling raw from the loss, I got to spend time with all 3 of them. I can't tell you how much it lifted my spirits. Seeing their faces light up as they opened their gifts from Auntie Jo and Uncle Yeti filled me with such joy. I feel so blessed and lucky to a part of these children's lives. Even though we are not blood relatives, I will still treat them as if they were. I hope that as their "auntie", I am able to impact their little lives with the love and wisdom and strength the way my aunts have for me. I will honor my Aunt Sandra's memory by being the best auntie I can be for them.
It is hard to get excited for the Christmas season, I know. We have seen so much tragedy just in this month alone. But I think it's important to hold to our traditions and celebrations, despite all of this. The living cannot stop,well, living just because a life or even lives have ended. By all means, mourn in the way you know how or the way that you prefer, but do not stop living. Our loved ones would not want us to do that. It is important to embrace the good, along with the bad. I think this song here sums it up particularly well. "In all the places we find love, it feels like Christmas". What an important sentiment to hold on to! Fill your homes and your hearts with love this season and then send that love to the heavens. I don't know about you all but I plan to laugh often, be merry, give hugs, maybe even shed a tear or two, and most importantly use the words "I love you" as much as possible.
Merry Christmas, Auntie Sandy. Merry Christmas to those precious little souls from Newtown, CT. Merry Christmas to all, and a wish of nothing but peace and happiness for 2013.
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